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Today was Donna’s birthday. The original plan was to go out to a restaurant somewhere, but seeing as I woke up feeling like I’d been run over by a bus (or at least by the latest virus to be going around) we shelved that idea.

“Aha,” I thought. “I’ll cook dinner. Sure-fire brownie-points.”

Well, maybe not entirely sure-fire. I’ve not had the best of records cooking for girlfriends. Provided I don’t screw this up entirely, though, I should be home free.

Still there was the problem of that run-over feeling. I needed something that tasted nice but that I could make easily, using ingredients from no further than the deli round the corner. Thankfully, my mother had provided the solution a year ago in the form of a present, namely the Bloke’s tasty no-fuss recipes cook-book.

I found the one meat-free recipe in the book (anchovies don’t count as meat), staggered to the deli to source the ingredients, and then decided to brag to Vidya on IM about what a good boyfriend I was being.

Vidya: So what are you cooking?
Charles: Oh, spaghetti with this tomato-and-stuff sauce.
Vidya: No, what is it called?
Charles: I don’t know, I never really looked. I could go get the book if you really want.
Vidya: Go on, I want to know.
Charles: OK, it's… er… spaghetti puttanesca.
Vidya: You realise what that means, right?

Yes. I had carefully prepared to cook, to celebrate my girlfriend’s birthday… Whore’s Spaghetti.

For the record, it was delicious.