After my previous encounter I was prepared for the worst. By comparison this almost went well. The story so far - after nearly two years we've decided we no longer need a second telephone line in our house. We've decided to cancel our Vonage VoIP line. In the first part of this saga I detailed the pain of trying to cancel outside of the regular business day.

Friday at lunch I called Vonage, following the previous script I identified myself and asked to cancel my subscription. The 1st level account rep. said I'm sorry sir I can't handle that, I will have to pass you over to an account rep. Ring, Ring......

After a wait that seemed like an eternity (well ok maybe five minutes) I got the personal attention of an account manager (aka Customer Retention). Italics are my snide commentary or the thoughts that were going through my brain.

Customer Retention: How may I help you sir? You already know why I'm here - your job is stop me from canceling.

Mark: We no longer need our Vonage line, I would like to cancel it.

Customer Retention: I'm sorry to hear that, why do you want to cancel? Here we go

Mark: Well we used the VoIP line for the tenants of our rental property, we've sold the property and so I'm canceling the line. If Vonage were civilized this would be the end of the conversation.

Customer Retention: Were there any quality problems? If you want to cancel - don't say yes here - this is the moment where they will fob you off on tech support, offer you a knew router....

Mark: No, I just want to cancel. Actually there were - often small delays as if you're talking to someone on the other side of the country not the city.

Customer Retention: Have you considered using Vonage as your primary line?

Mark: No, I just want to cancel. Actually I wouldn't because E911 isn't real 911 and I want to know it would work in a power outage. We've got small kids and I've had to call 911 once - the last thing I want to rely on is Vonage (or any other VoIP supplier) for 911 in a real emergency.

....in a surreal conversation - I'm asked several more questions that have nothing to do with my canceling.

Mark: Nearly shouting to get the point across. I've asked several times what will it take to cancel?

Customer Retention: Ok we can cancel your account. You've paid for this month do you want to wait to the end of billing period. You've got to be kidding - take the chance that I might miss calling you at the beginning of next month.

Mark: No, just cancel it now.

Customer Retention: Done. You've been with us since Sept. 05 we will waive the $40 cancellation fee. How generous.

Mark: Thank you

Customer Retention: Your modem is non-returnable, would you like to share it with a friend so they can try the Vonage experience? You would be credited with one month on your credit card. Share this experience with a friend? You've got to be kidding, I wouldn't share this an enemy let alone a friend.

Mark: No Thanks.

And so ends my Vonage story. If your from Vonage please note that reps were unfailingly polite. Its your policies that have driven me away as a customer.

No wonder Vonage is hemorrhaging cash.

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