So I finally decided to take a real look at my SAMBA issues. I ran across this post, which seems to make the problem clear: it's the crappy ActionTech router. So I've been back and forth with Verizon all morning. First tech support sent me to ActionTech, who told me it was my firewall, then, when I disabused them of that notion, told me it was Verizon's fault. I went back to Verizon. They now want me to pay by the hour for their premium service to diagnose the problem.
Jeebus - I didn't think a competence level lower than Comcast's existed, but bow, was I wrong.
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verizon, stupidity, actiontech, actiontech router